Week 1 Recap

With the end of week 1, this means that there is officially something to write about again. So putting the boredom spent at my desk to use doing something equally unproductive to watching TV. Writing about our dynasty league!

I've been trying to think of a way to do some power rankings every week and ended up landing on weekly recaps/breakdowns instead. If everyone likes this then I'll try to do this every Tuesday. If you guys don't like this then I don't really give a shit and will probably still do this every week so deal with it.

SO, on that very organized and proper intro let's talk about some general shenanigans this week.

Quick Hitters/General Notes:

Welcome to history friends. We just saw the worst tight end week in fantasy history! Not even joking either! Injuries may have sidelined the two best tight ends in the league this week, but yeah this position is still a fucking wasteland.

QBs that got extensions this week mostly sucked, except Jeb's guy of course. Time to trade those guys if you have them, don't worry I'll gladly take them off your hands for some value right now. In all seriousness Hurts, Burrow, Lamar, Geno, and Danny Dimes all had rough weeks. Week-costingly bad starts in fact. Again just letting you guys know in case you wanted to sell these guys while they still have value. Better days are ahead for all of these guys no doubt, but for now it really made this week a beautiful mess.

Injury sliders are turned up early. I think everyone, sans Jeb (of course), has dealt with some sort of early season injury that really changes the outlook of their team in the next week or coming weeks. It isn't exclusive to one position either. We saw impactful injuries to Rodgers, Diontae Johnson, Cooper Kupp, Jonathon Taylor, Kelce, Ekeler, Burrow, Mark Andrews, and many more.

I could get up on my soapbox about abolishing the use of artificial turf, but I'll spare all of you. If you have players that are stuck in MetLife for games this year, have fun holding your breath that they don't die on that hellhole of a field that mirrors a New York sidewalk in the amount of give it has.

Matchup breakdown time...

Air Raid Offense (163.40) vs. (120.05) Jaxroulette

Yeah so nobody is surprised. Jeb leads the league in scoring to kick off the season. Mahomes had a pedestrian game by his standards and was still a QB1. Three top 10 receivers this week. Just another day. Oh yeah and Zay Flowers just had one of the highest target shares for a rookie EVER. Because Jeb.

He also managed to brave Tyreek backing up the claim he is trying to crack 2,000 yards this year. Which looks entirely possible given what we saw Sunday afternoon. Although Dan did have a great holy trinity of Burrow, Christian Kirk, and Dallas Goedert this week shitting the bed with a combined 5.9 points. It was a colossal underperformance across the board outside of Tyreek, which is largely a product of week 1 being week 1. Still not ideal when you are facing the prodigal son.

I want to be surprised, I really do, but at this point it just feels as if this shit is a guarantee for Jeb to be the top seed. The year Jeb has a losing record is the year the ocean levels rise enough to swallow us all whole. I'd love to run the numbers on the odds of hitting on this many draft picks at receiver, but I do think it'd be something my brain just can't wrap itself around. So yeah! Just pencil in the 90% chance of an L when you run into the buzzsaw. Whoever plays Dan next week, you are getting the regression week and may also get the full Tyreek Hill experience, and good luck with that too!

MVP: Divine intervention and a golden touch. Self-explanatory.

Double Agent: Dallas Goedert and his 0/0/0 line.

Negative regression is coming: Zay Flowers. He isn't posting a 50% target share the whole season unless he is the best receiver to ever play the game (that possibility may be high at this point).

Positive regression is coming: Joe Burrow. Unless Sam really cursed Chase into fantasy hell, and even then there are better days ahead no matter what.

Baker's Boys (97.40) vs. (123.10) Team mwilson18

In a competition of who is more snakebitten to start this year, Sam ended up coming out on top when the games actually started. Sam decided to take a page out of my book and deal with some mid-game injuries.

J.K. Dobbins is actually just a paper-mâché football player. In one of the saddest stories of the weekend, he tore his achilles after dealing with the ACL tear and complications the past two years. A huge bust for how high the expectations were at one point in his career, but one that isn't related to how he looked on the field when he did play.

The only thing more sad than that was how the rest of Sam's team looked. The QBs were good, bordering on great. I think every single receiver was pretty much at their floor for the week. This was worst case across the board. Tee Higgins blanked after getting more targets in this one game than Kyle Pitts and Drake London will have all year. Now G. Wilson has to deal with the Milf-hunting Mormon throwing him the ball the rest of the year. Terry McLaurin is stuck in QB hell, between him and Allen Robinson one of them has to start being blamed for sapping their QB's life force like vampires.

We all know Mike is missing arguably two of the best players in the league already. Justin Fields still can't pass, and the Bears run a cool wildcat offense now I guess. Sam Howell looks like Jacoby Brissett but younger. I'll unapologetically claim that Najee may be too slow to be anything truly special outside of a volume based back. Mike still managed to cobble together 123 points in a week points were hard to come by. I'll inject my own biases here and say those 123 felt unsustainable and that I really hope Mike's team explodes, but I am not sure if that will happen now.

Both these teams are still good on paper, and likely to be better as the season goes on. Unless this arms race to see who can be more unlucky continues.

MVP: Michael Pittman Jr, looked pretty modest for most of the game but the long TD was what may have salvaged the week. He also outscored all of Sam's WRs combined.

Double Agent: Tee and his donut.

Positive regression is coming: Tee Higgins. He is confirmed good at the game of football, and will be balling soon.

Negative regression is coming: Michael Pittman, he housed a long TD this Sunday during an otherwise quiet game. This Colts offense will be up and down and he won't be consistent due to those highs and lows.

Charlotte Lions (104.75) vs. (105.90) New year, new me

Is the curse broken? I am not going to say no. In past years this is a game that Sam loses 100% of the time. Riddle also happen to have an unfortunate history of losing due to bad luck so it is hard to tell. The fact this game came down to an unnecessarily grueling and boring Sunday night game for fantasy is only fitting.

It is hard to pick which side to start with because both teams shit the bed as much as anyone else this week. Riddle dealt with Jalen Hurts looking mortal for fantasy purposes for the first time since taking that starting job. Darren Waller hates playing full games of football, healthy or not. Josh Jacobs looked like Fat Lenny. Oh and Tyler Lockett got injured! Say it with me people, fantasy football is fun!

Sam dealt with Lamar looking like Tyrod Taylor, and Dak not needing to throw because the Cowboys defense was on felonious behavior. Jury is out if Ja'Marr Chase will ever be the same after that hip injury (he won't, trade him). Waddle played second fiddle to Tyreek. While Bijan and Ken Walker are splitting carries with dudes who run as fast as all of us do. At least Sam didn't start Drake London.

I really feel like both of them are about to absolutely pop off on who they play this week considering they are fielding full lineups of potentially top-12 guys. So godspeed my dudes.

MVP: Breaking the curse. Let's be honest, as fun as the jokes are we all want to see it.

Double Agent: Darren Waller's hamstrings.

Negative regression is coming: Breece Hall, he didn't start for Sam but I do think it is safe to say he won't be breaking an explosive every touch next game.

Positive regression is coming: Ja'Marr Chase. Jokes aside about him not being the same, he is still going to finish top-3 this year.

Marvin Gaye and Charbonnet (109.00) vs. (75.60) PROCESSING...

Rodgers got hurt and posted 0, and Friermuth got hurt mid-game. It didn't matter. Kevin is in full rebuild mode and the tank is on.

Aiyuk looked like one of the best receivers on the planet. Similarly to the Packers, Henry is now forced to start Jordan Love if he wants to or not. The rest of Henry's team was as depressing as Kevin's rebuild. His last flex slot is an attempt at getting more than 6 points any given week right now. Henry may have the most unwatchable team in the league on a week-to-week basis. Featuring players on the Vikings, Cardinals, Raiders, and Steelers this is the all-"only check the box score" team.

Cam Akers was in midseason form with a yard per carry. TikTok boy is the 4th option on this Pats team. Dalvin Cook looks washed. Yet Kevin will somehow end up with two top-12 RBs in Kyren Williams and Tyler Allgeier. The rest of this team is the island of misfit toys. Mike Williams will have his weeks, but things are not looking great (by design). Things are going to plan so far.

MVP: Aiyuk, freed from the clutches of the curse and cleansed this offseason.

Double Agent: Since this game didn't really feature one player really costing either side incredibly hard, going to throw the real life option out for Tank Bigsby. Go watch the scoop and score for the Colts this weekend if you don't know what I am talking about.

Negative regression is coming: Aiyuk, 2 TDs aren't happening next week. He is still going to be amazing.

Positive regression is coming: Davante Adams, 9 targets still this week. He won't be guarded by Patrick Surtain next week.

Dameon Pierce the Veil (73.80) vs. (79.50) [PENDING] Most Improved

The lowest scoring matchup of the week. Eli already has as many wins as last year, so most improved may be accurate, granted there was nowhere but up.

AJ Dillon is the only player I really feel the need to talk about in this matchup. He sucks. He's fat, slow, and bad. Take him off the field, I have no personal interests in throwing out this diatribe.

These two teams will get better as the season goes along since they are both starting a ton of young dudes. DJ Moore looks cool as part of the triple option. We'll always have that preseason TD though. Dameon Pierce is sick, but stuck on the Texans. Jordan Addison may have a big year. JSN may get real run as the WR2 if Lockett misses time. Dotson is the WR1 on a bad offense. Not a ton else to say.

They followed suit with everyone underperforming this week. Eli has two QB1s going forward so that is scary. Davis has really good WRs, but these are still both incomplete teams without a lot of things breaking right.

MVP: Anthony Richardson

Double Agent: The myth of Hunter Renfrow being okay

Negative regression is coming: Romeo Doubs, average target earner. TD luck was high this week. Potentially better players on that offense coming up in Jayden Reed and Musgrave + Christian Watson coming back.

Positive regression is coming: Brandin Cooks, Dak looked his way an okay amount in a game they didn't even really try to push the ball. He is going to get targets when they need to pass.

Low PA Prayers (146.45) vs. (144.70) Chiraq Drillinois

I left this one at the bottom because it felt vain talking about my own fantasy experiences, and I'm not entirely sure anyone really gives a shit but here we are.

The prayers aren't materializing into much as we start this year seeing as how I wandered into a top 3 points against matchup. This week checked off about every nightmare of last year for me personally.

Mid-game injury? Yep.

Single digit outcome? Yep.

SNF decider? Yep.

Top 3 scorer with a chance at losing? Yep.

The hope slipping away as SNF went on was not fun. I'm split because this exacerbates a problem I was *ahem* somewhat vocal about last season and this offseason. On the other hand winning always feels good.

Tua went nuclear. Kadarius Dropskis decided to have the worst game possible for a WR which was helpful for me, but unfortunate for Cole. TE paradise is back in session for Cole now with Hockenson and Kelce when he hits the field this week. We both suffered from Baker Mayfield jail with the Bucs receivers. We both had running backs who popped off. Sounds about right for how things looked on paper coming into this week for us both.

Cole got undeniably screwed, and that may be a part of fantasy naturally, but we need to talk roto scoring more seriously this offseason than we did.

MVP: Tua

Double Agent: Kadarius Dropskis

Negative regression is coming: Tua, obviously 470 passing yards is not happening every week. I'd love if it did though!

Positive regression is coming: Derrick Henry, zero shot they replicate the usage from this week going forward. Vrabel already said that he thinks Henry will get more work going forward.

My Power Rankings:

1. Air Raid Offense

2. New year, new me

3. Charlotte Lions

4. Low PA Prayers

5. Chiraq Drillinois

6. Jaxroulette

7. Team mwilson18

8. Baker's Boys

9. Marvin Gaye and Charbonnet

10. Dameon Pierce the Veil

11. [Pending] Most Improved

12. PROCESSING...

Fantasy is definitely back boys. See you next week.